Monday 130617 "But I don't want to get bulky"

"But I don't want to get bulky"

This subject has been coming up more and more lately and I'd like to address it. When we watch TV, movies and read magazines, we are bombarded with body images that our "society" thinks we should look like. Models who are 5'11" and weight 110 lbs. Their bones are sticking out, their biceps are as thick as their wrists, basically walking skeletons. Nobody pays attention to these actresses and models' personal lives and what they really go through to be what society considers "healthy". There's also all kinds of airbrushing, retouching & photoshopping that goes on but that's beside the point.
I'd like to share with you my experience, strength and hope.
I grew up as a typical teenage girl reading Seventeen magazine, keeping up with the latest fashion, playing with makeup & obsessing over boys. The pressure to be thin being at the top of the list. I was born with a naturally muscular body type but I just thought I looked "fat". So around age 15 I developed a dangerous eating disorder that lasted close to 15 years. In the end, it almost killed me.
I would go between starving myself to binging and purging everything I put in my body. I was hospitalized on several occasions because of heart palpitations, electrolyte imbalances & severe anxiety attacks. I knew I was dying but I couldn't stop destroying my body. Everyone around me would tell me how sick I looked because I was so skinny. That only served to reinforce what I was doing. I loved being "too skinny", only being able to fit into little girls jeans because size 0's were too big.
Things changed after I had my first child & I realized if I kept it up for much longer, he would be growing up without a mom. That scared me enough to finally seek the real help I needed. By the time I went to treatment I was unable to keep any food down, was suffering from severe chest pain & heart palpitations all day, every day. I went to a treatment center for 45 days and it was the best decision I'd ever made, up to that point. I finally learned how to feed myself without the constant guilt I used to have.
Although I wasn't actively practicing my eating disorder I would still go through periods of trying to be smaller and would always accomplish my goals. I noticed however, the thinner I got, the more food & body obsessed I would become. I would feel more depressive, have a lot of mood swings and just felt all around discontented.
Although it seemed like I was on a roller coaster both physically & emotionally, my weight always stayed the same give or take a few pounds. I was a size 1 or xsmall in all my clothes. I would go through periods of working out on a regular basis but would eventually get bored or lose motivation. Besides, my body stayed the same regardless if I exercised or not so what was the point? My energy level was always low, my sugar and carbohydrate intake was through the roof but I "looked" healthy. I just couldn't understand why I didn't "feel" healthy.
Enter CrossFit, the 2nd best decision I've ever made(next to re-marrying my wonderful husband, but that's a different story). The first time I tried CrossFit, I almost threw up, thought I was going to die and couldn't wait to do it all over again the next day! I'm sure some of you can relate! I'd never done anything that made me push myself that far, work that hard, and feel so good after I was finished. I fell in love with it right away! When I started, I would watch videos of the bad-ass Crossfit girls doing what I thought at the time were crazy, unattainable things.. Pull-ups, muscle ups, handstand push-ups & cleaning weight that I couldn't even deadlift yet! For the first time in my life, I started to set goals. I wanted to be strong and every time I set a new PR on a lift, started doing pull-ups without a band, did my first handstand push-up, the feeling I got was indescribable. I found myself doing things I never, in a million years, would have thought I could do. The side effects were pretty cool too! My energy level increased, my anxiety & depression decreased and I started getting what a lot of you ladies out there like to call "toned"(which just means I started building muscle). I also started eating for performance instead of worrying about getting fat. I found that I was eating more, feeling no guilt & looking better. I became fitter and healthier than I'd ever been.
Although society thought I looked healthy before, I was really what we like to call "skinny-fat."
So here we arrive at the real subject of this article: "Will Crossfit make me bulky?"
Here is my answer: Everyone's body does something different when getting fit and healthy. All you have to do is take a look around our gym. Everyone's body types are different. There are a lot of girls that lift the same amount of weight, train the same exact way and yet we all look different physically. As I mentioned before, I have a naturally muscular body type. Instead of not accepting that and starving myself to look a certain way, I have embraced it. I love the fact that I'm strong, that lifting weights comes more easily to me than running or gymnastics. Give me a barbell and some weight and you have a happy girl! Now having said that, it has been MY experience that I have gained weight since starting Crossfit, I have had to buy all new clothes because my body type grows muscle like it's going out of style! I want to reiterate it is MY BODY TYPE, not yours.. What your body does with Crossfit has almost everything to do with your own genetics and diet. You also must keep in mind that my goals are probably very different from yours. I have gone beyond doing Crossfit because its a great workout. I want to compete at a high level. I have a 315# deadlift, 175# clean & jerk and 240# backsquat. And my goals are to get even stronger. I have also been lifting heavy for over 2 years. For those of you who are still worried about looking like me, don't. Even if you trained the same way, you still have your own genetic makeup. Your body will do what it is genetically built to do.
I have seen the majority of people who have started Crossfit move from sickness towards health and fitness, improve their body composition and achieve results they are very happy with.
I also must stress that the number on the scale means nothing. It does not take into account your muscle mass, bone density or body fat. Our body composition is more important than the number on a scale. In order to get lean, you must build muscle. The more muscle mass you have, the more calories your body will burn & the higher metabolism you will have. This is also how you will get "toned". In order to see muscle tone, you have to build it first and shed the fat that's on top.
The whole reason I'm writing this is is in the hope that the women or men reading this who think I'm "bulky", who don't want to have my traps or big quads, will only consider that their body image and idea of health may be slightly skewed. I used to be you. All I wanted was to be thin/healthy and I had a number in my head of what I thought I should weigh. It was never enough, I was never satisfied with how I looked, what size I was or how much the scale said I weighed. I was the furthest thing from healthy both physically AND emotionally.
CrossFit has given me everything I was searching for and not in the way I expected. I have a self esteem again. I finally accept my body for how it was built, the amazing things it does. I LOVE being strong, I LOVE my muscular traps and you bet I am PROUD of my big quads! I will never be a size 1 again, people will never tell me I'm "too skinny", and I will NEVER be ashamed of what my body looks like or how much I weigh again.
The bottom line is Crossfit is the best fitness program I have ever come across. If you want to be the healthiest you've ever been, have a higher self esteem, better body composition, and just an overall sense of well-being then you've come to the right place. Hopefully by reading this it has helped you to think about what being healthy really means.
-Coach Tiff

Snatch Grip Push Press 5x3 (as heavy as possible)

3 rounds for time:
10 Burpee box jumps, 24"
10 Overhead Squats, 135#